Going through some of my old journal entries and I found these musing on the first three months of motherhood in a new country. It was such an amazing time and I loved it, but there are also some parts i am happy to have passed!
This is also a little list of things I wish I had known.
The sleep deprivation will be worse than I imagine…
And it could be years before I sleep through an entire night. But I won’t mind; even when I have a micronap standing up in the grocery store.
I will use a pacifier, and that’s ok.
My babe was a comfort sucker. We had some problems when we started breastfeeding and my nipples were in a bad way for the first five weeks and I just couldn’t face the idea of letting him suck for comfort… So I bought a pacifier despite all the people who told me I shouldn’t.
As I walked out of the shop door with a pacifier in hand I felt relieved.
Breastfeeding IS natural, but it will hurt intensely.
The women in my family have been great breastfeeders. No pain, no complications. I assumed it would be the same for me… I mean it is the most natural thing in the world, right?
Sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. It took three days before I was able to successfully feed Narayan and The experience had me dreading feeds.
Especially as my nipples were blistered and raw, and every suck created shooting pains.
But I stuck with it and now I love being able to feed my son. It is such a special time and I feel blessed it worked out in the end.
My relationship with my partner will change.
Some days it feels as though we are on different planets when it comes to parenting, but I know we both make our decisions based on love.
I thought everything would be the same between us, but it’s not. We are discovering new facets of each other, setting new boundaries and making choices together.
My body may never ‘go back to normal’
And what is normal anyway? Three months have passed and I still find myself being surprised at my reflection… Is that my stomach? Are they my hips?
I am still 8 or so kilograms heavier than I was before I was pregnant, and I am pretty happy this way.
I will get very little done each day… At first anyway.
I didn’t think I placed much pressure on myself until I had Narayan, and I started mentally beating myself up for how little I would get done each day. In the first few weeks, just managing a shower without baby bursting into tears was a success.
As time wore on and Narayan and I found a rhythm, chores became easier and I grew to enjoy the slower pace of things.
That I would love being a stay at home mama THIS much.
I thought I would miss working, and a small part of me worried I might feel guilty for not ‘contributing’ to the workforce. But I don’t.
What I do feel is blessed. Even when I feel like a zombie. Life has a funny way of working out and I never thought we would be able to financially support me staying home to raise Narayan. There we were in the Seychelles, enjoying our island abode, and spending time together as a family.
It’s more than 2 years later and I feel ready to focus on a project like Boho Boys, and create a community of mamas I’d love to share this motherhood journey with!