It is not alluding you. It just doesn't look the same to everyone. It isn't grand, and it isn't constant.
It is a culmination of small moments that come together to settle gently in your heart, and your soul.
It is definitely not found while standing in a field or laughing as you drink a green smoothie.
Happiness is remembering to take care of you; remembering to get your eyebrows waxed, taking a long walk alone, reading, or spending 5 minutes every morning in meditation.
Happiness is also found in mess. Those moments when you should be making dinner but instead you sit on the couch and watch Peter Rabbit with your son. You feel it in that moment as you let go of what you 'should' be doing, and just be.
Because as you settle into that moment, and your son laughs and jumps onto your lap - his hands grubby, knees marked, and face needing a wipe - you kiss his head and notice it still smells like baby, three years later.
These messy, imperfect moments are happiness.
It's there when you give yourself permission to let go of the need for a Pinterest-worthy mum bun, and you don't push yourself to be the mum creating lunch boxes of homemade, organic everything.
It's okay to be that mum sometimes, when you have the reserves, but she also needs a rest. She needs a break, softness, acceptance, and permission to just be.
Happiness is in the moment, and to them, we are enough in every moment. We are always enough.
Mama, give yourself a break. Just be, and let the happiness creep in. Either we take breaks, or we breakdown.
Both are necessary, and healing to the soul.